Saturday, April 1, 2023

"EAT, DRINK, DO AND SEE"- FUN STUFF TO DO IN L.A.

CULTURE!  CULTURE!  CULTURE!
Don’t ever forget that your life is not your work. You are young, and vibrant and in a big city. Take advantage. There are museums, theaters, restaurants, clubs, symphonies, galleries, concerts, great parks and trails, the ocean, the mountains…GO AND ENJOY THEM!!!! It is amazing to me how many people move across the country to California, and get so caught up in trying to make a living, they forget to live. If you are going to spend all that money, suffer the traffic, the rejections, the smog etc., then why not enjoy the good things? You will only be young once in your life. No mortgages to pay, no kids to feed…you are as free as you will ever be. So don’t waste it. Walk up a trail and see the top of a mountain…Drive up the coast…surf…join a club…get involved with “living” in LA…not just “working” in LA.

TO DO IN LOS ANGELES
You'll discover your own favorite places to eat and play, but until you do, here are some haunts I have discovered over the years and frequent when in town:

FOOD 

Breakfast 
-Hugo's on Santa Monica Blvd in W. Hollywood (try the pasta papa!), https://www.hugosrestaurant.com
-Sqirl on Virgil in Silverlake: get up early and wait in line..worth it!  http://sqirlla.com
-Larchmont Bungalow (Larchmont  Village) always a solid choice.  www.larchmontbungalowcafe.com
-Aroma Cafe (Studio City and Hollywood) a Valley landmark.  A great place for a Breakfast Quesadilla and to write) Just ate there a few ekes back after a good five years away and the back tables are easily cozy, the service was friendly, the menu is still big and it all tasted amazing.  Nice to know some things never change. Breakfast or Lunch. www.aromacoffeeandtea.com
-Sycamore Kitchen on LaBrea- It's alllll good! www.thesycamorekitchen.com.
-Mood (3rd St. West Hollywood) If you want some really tasty, slightly healthy,  brunch-y kind of food with a slight Mediterranean/Israeli flair, the is you place.  Open/Airy outdoor dining patio.  Really good fries, poke bowls, shakshuka, omelets, salads etc. all with fresh ingredients.  Breakfast/Brunch/Lunch...https://mood-la.com/
-Blu Jam Cafe (there's one on Melrose Ave, a couple in the valley, one on the west side, one downtown and even one in Tokyo!)...can I just say, "Yum!"  https://www.blujamcafe.com
-Fred 62 (Los Feliz) it opened when I was at AFI and hasn't changed.  Hip diner fare. https://fred62.com
-House of Pies (Los Feliz) It's a landmark haunt...it's not hip, it's not cool, it's just great breakfast food, bottomless coffee cup and amazing pies! The name says it all.  http://houseofpiesla.com
-Freedman's Bar (Silverlake). Just a bar during the week, but on weekends it's a Jewish-style brunch!  https://www.freedmansla.com
-John O'Groats (Cheviot Hills) old style diner with fluffy pancakes, https://www.johnogroats.us
-Huckleberry (Santa Monica) the food is damn good... but you are gonna wait a while to sit down.  https://www.huckleberrycafe.com
-Great White (3 locations-Venice,W. Hollywood, Larchmont) Australian style cafe with great break-y! https://greatwhitevenice.com
-Hank's Bagels (3 locations in the Valley)- yes, apparently you can get a good bagel in the Valley!  https://www.hanksbagels.com/

Lunch 
-Joan's on 3rd .(3rd St near La Cienega, and also in Studio City)- gourmet sandwiches salads, and more...and all of it amazingly good.  I love the pickles!  https://joansonthird.com
-The Alcove on Hillhurst in Los Feliz. http://alcovecafe.com/cafe
-Mamie Kitchen (7900 Santa Monica Blvd. West Hollywood) Now THIS is ow yo make a sandwich!  https://www.mamiekitchen.com/
-Blue Plate Oysterette (Santa Monica on Montana, and on 3rd St. West Hollywd )- Lobster rolls and great oysters. www.blueplateoysterette.com
-Le Coupe (Melrose Ave. and Western)- damn that is a great chicken sandwich! And as big as your head!  https://www.lecoupefriedchicken.com/
-Petite Trois (Highland in Hollywood/Ventura Blvd in Valley)- steak tartar and an omelette in a nice French bistro setting.  https://www.petittrois.com/
-Baby Blues BBQ in (Venice Beach)...nothing like ribs after surfing. babybluesbbq.com *currently closed due to fire damage, but will be reopening in a new location soon they say.
-Badmash- (2 locations, Fairfax and Downtown) Find yourself in "DTLA" (as the kids are calling Downtown these days)?  Feel like some kick ass Indian/Toronto fusion?  Here ya go.  Great Chicken Poutine! www.badmaashla.com
-Za Za Za (Frogtown)- tostadas layered with yellowtail and tobiko mayo, calamari-topped guacamole, and gooey, griddled Oaxacan cheese tacos. https://www.zazaza.la/
-Father's Office (Culver City+ 2 more locations) - home of "the world's best burger" so they say. Don't ask for ketchup. https://fathersoffice.com
-Santa Monica Seafood Market & Cafe (Wilshire Blvd in Santa Monica). It's a fish market.  A nice one.  It has a cafe, so you know the fish will be fresh.  You want some oysters and great fries for lunch?  Here ya go.  https://smseafoodmarket.com/home/
-The Old Place (Santa Monica Mountains)- hidden gem.  Delicious, rustic American comfort foods!  https://oldplacecornell.com/
-Cafe Midi (La Brea and 2nd) In back of a charming housewares store.  Been sneaking in here for a quiet breakfast/lunch for years.  Food is solid and you can buy a bowl or a plate for your kitchen while you're there.  https://cafemidi.com
-Gasolina Cafe (Woodland Hills) They serve Spanish style dishes and have monthly paellas!  https://www.gasolinacafe.com/
-Tel Aviv Glatt Kosher Grill (Encino and other Valley locations) on Ventura Blvd.  Great Israeli food!  Sabich, Schnitzel, Challah, Schwarma anymore!  https://www.telavivkoshergrill.com/
-Bill's Burgers (Van Nuys)- just a damn good burger! 
-Pie 'N Burger (Pasadena)- Get the Big Ben.  OH...MY...GOD! I know it's $24.  but this is one fine burger! You're welcome.   http://www.pienburger.com/. 
-Anajak Thai (Sherman Oaks)- curries and wok-fired meals are excellent!  https://www.anajakthai.com/
-Le Coupe Chicken (Melrose and Western/Hollywood)- you want a spicy chicken sandwich that is instagram worthy?  Le Coupe!  Merde!  That's a sandwich!  https://www.lecoupefriedchicken.com/

Dinner 
-Terroni (Beverly Blvd near The Grove)...there's a "hipper" one in DTLA, but I still like the one on Beverly.  Still plenty cool (w/private wine room for parties). https://www.terroni.com/locations/terroni-beverly
-BAO (BeverlyBlvd./Sweetzer) Been around for while.  It has great dim sum...and sum other things too. You'll leave there very full.  https://www.baodimsum.com
-Gracias Madre (Melrose Ave. west of Robertson) Vegan Mexican...I know.  I'm a meat eater and let me tell you, WOW is it good! https://www.graciasmadre.co
-Formosa Café (Santa Monica Blvd/La Brea):  You want oooooold Hollywood?  You want some good fried rice and an old school cocktail siting in booth that you could bet a year's salary was once sat in by Charlie Chaplin, Clark Gable or Rita Hayworth?  Then this is your place.  directly across from the entrance to the old Warner Bros /United Artists) studio lot, it's been around since movies have been made there.  Squint your eyes and ignore the hideous second story they added and the target and Best Buy stores that have built up around it, and you'll still see the little red pagoda and iconic neon sign that ushered in so many of Hollywood's stars for after-shoot dinners and deals.  https://theformosacafe.com/
-Jones (Santa Monica Blvd./Hollywood)- after a car crashed into it in 2023 closing this iconic hang for a while, Jones is back and the old Warner Bros. Hollywood Lot area is better for it.  Just across from the Formosa Café (also listed here), it's a great bar with Italian red sauce faves- Spaghetti and Meatballs- yes.  and A sizzling apple pie Ala mode will end the night on a high note. https://joneshollywood.com/
-Ghengis Cohen (Fairfax/Melrose)- an ooooold standby- just flat out solid Chinese food (and cool live music venue) http://www.genghiscohen.com
-Clark Street Diner (Franklin St. Hollywood/Los Feliz): It was just called the 101 when I was a young buck living in Los Feliz (You can see it in the movie "Swingers"), but with a new name and a little facelift, it's still great diner for dinner and after-club meals.  On Franklin, right where Hollywood and Los Feliz begin to merge.  Just off Highway 101 (hence the old name) in a best Western Motel.  Great shakes!  https://clarkstreetdiner.la/
-The Library Alehouse (Main Street/Santa Monica) a busy, casual, library-themed spot that features a New American menu, patio dining and many many craft beers. http://www.libraryalehouse.com
-Coucou (Venice or West Hollywood)- celebrating "Aperitif culture" its a great place if you are meeting a friend or eating solo and want to get away from yet another DoorDash delivery night. Friendly, stylish but unpretentious bar with good cocktails and a solid bistro menu.  They also have soft-serve for dessert.    https://www.coucou.la/
-Grey Tavern (Ventura Blvd. neat Universal Studios) not much to look at from the front.  Walk in and it's mostly bar, but there's a small back patio that is nice to sit at with a friend of two.  drinks are solid and the basic bistro menu is all really well prepared and tasty.  Spent many an hour there commanding a table with friends.  https://www.graytavern.com/
-Verse (Toluca Lake) it's a swanky supper club.  Local market and latin influences spearhead the menu.  Curated Wine list, well aired cocktails and nightly live music form some pretty heavy hitters.  (Make a reservation!).  Impress a date!  https://www.verse.la/
-Casa Vega (Studio City) Been around for 68 years and counting.  You've seen it in Tarantino movies.  Old Hollywood, red leather booths, dim lighting, cheesy, beans, old style  Mexican food and margaritas.  https://www.casavega.com/


Vegan
You're healthy, you're environmentally conscious, you won't eat anything with a face.  We get it.  And L.A, is a great pace for your eating concerns.   Many places have vegan options.  We've listed a few spots already.  But here are some go-to's for the Vegan and Vegan-adjacent:

-The Butchers Daughter (Venice & West L.A.). two Los Angeles locations (and c pile in New York as well).  "Vibrant, Plant-forward" restaurant and juice bar with welcoming decor and a variety of menus for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and drinks.  Pastas, pizzas and pad thais fill the eclectic menu with local ingredients made with care.  Non-vegan friends will be fine here ;). 

-Crossroads Kitchen (Melrose/W. Hollywood) Eater L.A. says it is the type of restaurant that yells “vegan” from the top of its lungs. It’s the type of restaurant that encourages regulars and the vegan-curious to experience chef and owner Tal Ronnen’s menu while receiving some of the best service in town." In heart of Melrose/West Hollywood area.  

-Pura Vita (West Hollywood) was voted best Vegan Italian restaurant in the entire country in 2024.  Known for dishes made with the house made vegan mozzarella.  

-Gracias Madre (Melrose Ave. west of Robertson) We mentioned it before.  Incredible all-vegan Mexican...I know.  As I said above, I'm a meat eater and let me tell you, WOW is it good! https://www.graciasmadre.co

-Cafe Gratitude (Venice and Larchmont Village  ) With a focus on clean eating and morning affirmations, this small West Coast chain serves organic, plant-based, and often locally-grown food.

-Civico 2064 (Los Feliz). Not a purely Vegan restaurant but has a full vegan menu.  "Vibey" decor and Italian influenced dishes.  https://www.instagram.com/civico2064/

-Toluca Bakery (Toluca Lake/Noho Arts). Eater L.A. describes it like this:  "Outside of the vegan sign by the front, one would never guess this bakery is entirely vegan. The deli case is always full of cake, cinnamon rolls, cookies, and more. The guava cheese pastry and conchas are a must-try, and it would be miss to not order some vegan tamales as well. There’s not much by way of seating in the bakery, so grab your pastries to go."


Sushi
There's great sushi places all over LA (and lots of not so great ones too).  You'll find your favorite little spot soon enough, but until you do, here are some great safe bets:
-Sugarfish (there's about a dozen of them at last count) - http://sugarfishsushi.com
-Dojo Sushi (Sherman Oaks) a tiny sushi space with good lunch specials. https://dojosushi.com
-Narita Vegan Sushi: (Santa Monica) delish and no fish!  https://naritavegansushi.com
-Noshi Sushi (Koreatown) Does not look very inviting from outside (red and no windows), but the fish a great!  https://www.noshisushila.com
-Jinpachi (West Hollywood). delish...almost expensive, but who wants "cheap" sushi?
-Kaya Sushi (Marina del Rey/Washington at Glencoe) - tucked in a  little office plaza..weird lighting but amazing fish...I dream of this place. http://www.kayasushi.com/mdr
-Kushiyu (way out in Tarzana on Ventura Blvd)- been going there for 20+ years...still worth the drive. http://kushiyurestaurant.com
-Katsu-ya (Ventura Blvd. Studio city..+ other locations) Another sushi place starting with K!  This one's always a good place for a business lunch or just to meet a friend and spend a fortune on great fish. https://www.katsu-yagroup.com/studio-city-menu/
-Boo's Cheesesteaks (Silverlake and Koreatown) Feelin' nostalgic for an east coast sloppy sandwich?  Boo's.  Most authentic cheesesteak in SoCal  https://www.boosphilly.com/eat
Guilty Pleasures/Cheap Eats 
-Heavy Handed (Santa Monica)- former food truck now a little brick and mortar gem of a burger palace.  Get a triple shirt rib burger with heavy sauce and some great fries and go eat on the beach! (you'll need to run a few miles after you eat this..or take a nap!). https://heavyhanded.la/
 -Sunny Blue Omusubi Shop (Main St. in Santa Monica)- What is it? Hand crafted rice balls with different fillings wrapped in seaweed.  Delish!  Healthy! and cheap! $4 gets you a fantastic rice and tuna omusubi wrap, and the ice tea is free!  https://www.sunnyblueinc.com
-Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles (on Gower St. in Hollywood + 7 other locations)...it's the fried chicken and waffles destination.  https://www.roscoeschickenandwaffles.com
-Pink's Hot Dogs (on La Brea/Melrose) a true Hollywood landmark.  Always time for a good chili dog and celebrity sightings at 2 a.m. http://www.pinkshollywood.com
-Zankou Chicken (all over LA)- "The P.A.'s lunch spot!" Always a dozen white trucks parked around it.  There was only one when I lived in LA, but they are everywhere now...good healthy and cheap. You'll never go to an El Pollo Loco again. https://zankouchicken.com
-In N' Out Burger (everywhere)- we all know it by now. The double double lives up to the hype, but those in the know and with a big appetite order the "4x4" also known as the "quad quad". https://www.in-n-out.com
-Fat Sal's Deli (Hollywood and Westwood locations) Salvatorre Assante ("Turtle" from HBO's Entourage) and a couple of his east coast pals opened these cheeseteak-on-steroids sandwich shops, and they are frickin' awesome... but you're gonna need a long nap afterwords. http://www.fatsalsdeli.com
-Salt and Straw Ice Cream on Abbott Kinney in Venice...can I just "honey Lavender Ice Cream!"  soooo worth the wait! https://saltandstraw.com
  
Drinks

-Death and Co. ( DTLA Arts District) It's not quite as awesome as it's NYC counterpart, but it's a fantastic dim lit cocktail bar. https://www.deathandcompany.com/dcdtla/
-Everson Royce Bar (DTLA Arts District):  Just look for the sign that says "bar".  if oy care about your cocktail preparation, this is a good spot. https://www.erbla.com
-The Falls Lounge (DTLA)- Hip lounge with a '70s-glam feel, seasonal cocktails, music nights,extended happy hour..  www.thefallslounge.com/
-La Cha Cha Cha- 3rd St.in the Arts District- a Mexico City styled "rooftop" patio bar with good tostadas and other Mexican delicacies. https://chachacha.la
-Big Bar in Los Feliz: owned by Hillhurst staple eatery The Alcove, Big Bar (also on Hillhurst) is a repurposed craftsman home has a lovely bar and is even a sports cafe to watch a game and share a smart beverage.  https://www.alcovecafe.com
-Ye Rustic Inn (Hillhurst and Franklin) a true dive bar in Los Feliz.  So authentic they don't even have a website. Has not changed since I was a film student 20+ years ago..not even the juke box selections!  Good dark spot for some hot wings and a cold pitcher of beer.  https://www.instagram.com/yerusticinn/?hl=en
-The Frolic Room (Hollywood Blvd) In the heart of Old Hollywood is the city's quintessential dive bar.  characters and cheap drinks.  https://la.eater.com/maps/best-dive-bars-cocktails-los-angeles/frolic-room
-Walt's Bar (Eagle Rock)..it has a row of pinball machines across from the bar...nothing else needs to be said.  https://gotab.io/loc/waltslosangeles
-E.P. & L.P. Rooftop Bar (La Cienega and Melrose) a rooftop bar that has a lot of "kewl peeps" posing here and there, but it's a great view, asian food and good drinks.  https://www.eplosangeles.com
-Harlowe Bar (West Hollywood)- you will feel like you stepped back in time to a more glamorous era. craft cocktails and charcuterie https://www.harlowebar.com  
-Bar Lubitsch (West Hollywood). named after famed director Ernst Lubitsch and tucked into the Russian section of West Hollywood, it's a Soviet themed vodka bar boasting a 4 -page vodka menu...chtoby nasladit'sya (enjoy!) https://www.barlubitsch.com
-Chez Jay (Santa Monica). A classic.  Steaks, seafood & stiff drinks served in a nostalgic dining room known for celebrity sightings.  https://chezjays.com
-Elephante (Santa Monica)- chic rooftop bar with amazing ocean views. https://www.elephantela.com
-The Craftsman Bar (Santa Monica) a laid back beachy atmosphere, good bar food, shuffleboard and a 4-hour happy hour!  https://www.thecraftsmanbar.com
-Nighthawk Breakfast Bar (Venice). Inspired by the late night rock n roll diner breakfasts that musicians would order after a night of playing, there are upscaled breakfast style dished and cocktails.  Brunch all day! ...https://www.nighthawkrestaurants.com
-Hinano Cafe (Venice) a turquoise shack that looks like it should rent surfboards, but a good dive bar. Serving burgers and cold beers since 1962!  https://www.hinanocafevenice.com


Food Trucks-There's a new one every day, but here are some of my favorites:
-Grilled Cheese Truck - Yep, a truck that makes grilled cheese sandwiches...awesome ones!
-Worldfare Bustrant - a double decker bus serving South African delicacies
-Coolhaus- made to order ice cream sandwiches - kill me now! no, wait! one more!
-Kogi Korean BBQ- the grandaddy.  started the whole craze...and still great!

 Here's a great list from "Roaming Hunger": FOOD TRUCKS IN LOS ANGELES AUGUST 2025:  https://roaminghunger.com/food-trucks/los-angeles-ca/

First Fridays Whether it’s going to an art walk, sampling delicious food trucks or checking out a free night at a museum, first Friday events are a great way to connect to your local community and get out to do a little exploring.  It's a frickin' scene!
https://www.abbotkinneyblvd.com/firstfridays
Late Night Munchies?
Click here to find a list of LA area restaurants and eateries open 24/7:
https://www.theinfatuation.com/los-angeles/guides/best-late-night-restaurants-los-angeles


TO DO
Here are some classic "to do"options

 -Bradbury Bldg. – close to Grand Central market (where they shot Blade Runner)
-Chinatown – close to Union Station, the real thing.
-Grand Central Market – downtown, cool ethnic market
-Little Tokyo – 1st and Alameda, close to Chinatown and Union Station
-Olvera Street – right across from Union Station
-Union Station -great old train station to walk around in. 
-La Brea Tar Pits: Just east of La Brea on Wilshire, near the Art Museum and George C. Page Archeology Museum
-Hollywood Blvd./Mann’s Chinese: very touristy, cheap gifts, people watching.

-Eat Dinner/have a drink at the Formosa Café: across street from the old United Artist Studios in West Hollywood, it’s a classic Hollywood bar, where the “greats” all ate. (You saw it in “LA Confidential”)- they’ve added on a hideous addition, but the original place is still there. On weekend nights you’ll likely see some young Hollywood stars and the fried rice ain’t half bad.

-Griffith Park: a huge park, lots of trails, take a drive or bike through it when you get a chance. The Gene Autry Western Museum is in there, and also very nice. The LA Zoo is there, Greek Theater is there, Train Museum and the Observatory!…a great place to kill a weekend.

-Chavez Ravine/Dodger Stadium: Catch a Dodgers game. Have a Dodger Dog…not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

-Highland Park Bowl:  take some friends bowling in L.A.'s oldest and coolest bowling alley!  

-The Getty Center- a fantastic museum up on a hill overlooking West LA. Stunning views, wonderful art

-The LACMA- another great museum…

-Hollywood Farmer’s Market: A great Saturday morning. Near Hollywood and Vine, it’s packed with produce and delicacies that blow the east coast farmer’s markets away!

-The Grove:  West Hollywood's outdoor mall.  Yes it's a mall ,but it's next to the Farmer's Market and there are movie theaters and restaurants and shops and blah blah blah...

-Cinespia at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery:  Ooooooh don;t miss this.  You pack a picnic, head to this old cemetery next to Paramount Studios where old Hollywood luminaries are buried, drop a blanket as the sun sets, and then watch a movie projected on a massive wall.  Fantastic summer evening hang with friends- and if you can get in on Halloween night, GO!  http://cinespia.org

-Sunset Blvd. from the beach to Chinatown: drive from one end of Sunset Blvd. To the other. Start in Chinatown, take it all the way. Through the Thai area, the Strip, Beverly Hills, UCLA and the beach. 

-Rodeo Drive – if you must – in Beverly Hills ("Pretty Woman" shopping scene)

-Have lunch at Gladstone’s at the Beach. Very touristy, locals actually go to Dukes up the road a ways, but either place is fine for a beer, clam chowder and all the peanuts you can eat, right on the water. Last time I was there I saw dolphins…but that may have just been from all the cocktails.

-Venice Beach on the weekend, on the boardwalk (called “The Strand”) – quite the scene!

-Zuma Beach: take Pacific Coast Highway (the “PCH” or “US 1”) north past Malibu – beautiful beach

-Main Street: Santa Monica’s hip shopping district.

-3rd Street Promenade: Santa Monica’s touristy shopping district

-The Pier in Santa Barbara:  an hour north on the beautiful PCH.  Eat some clam chowder and watch the boats...they even have sailboat rentals for you young Magellans..

-Abalone Shoreline Park (Rancho Palos Verdes)...TIDAL POOLS!  So beautiful.  At low tide you can walk in and around little pockets of water housing crabs and fish and even an octopus or two.  seals and dolphins swim by and watch you watch them...might even catch a whale..well not "catch", but you know what I mean.  
http://www.palosverdes.com/rpv/recreationparks/abalonecoveshoreline/index.cfm


-Take a Hollywood “Ghost” tour: cheesy but fun, they’ll show you all the classic Hollywood “haunts”. You can catch these on Hollywood and Highland- where Grauman’s Chinese Theater happens to be as well.

-Beachwood Canyon Ranch: an old ranch near the bottom of the Hollywood sign. You can rent horses and take a ride over the mountain.

-Lake Hollywood Reservoir: you can jog, walk around this picturesque water repository.


-Sadly, after decades cranking out the best cheesy bar music for hipsters in Los Feliz, the great Marty and Elaine are no more...but the venue is still a cool throwback bar and steakhouse. (You can see both in the movie “Swingers”...hope they are still alive! They were already like 70 when I moved to town!). https://www.thedresden.com/event/marty-elayne/
YOU ONE OF THOSE HEALTHY TYPES?

 CALIFORNIA'S HIKES
(click on the picture to find the best hiking locations in L.A.)

or go to the 
MOVIES!!!!!


The American Cinemateque at the Egyptian Theater, in Hollywood or The Arclight Theaters at the “Cineramadome” are arguably the best places in LA to catch both first run, art-house and classic movies.  And the Landmark Theaters at the Westside Pavilion Mall, have had a great makeover and are all about customer service and quality film watching...but check out the little old theaters as well. They are peppered around Wilshire Blvd. Westwood and Downtown LA.



OTHER LINKS FOR FUN THINGS TO DO IN L.A.



15 Things You Learn in Your First 5 Years in L.A.  

by Jessica P. Ogilvie

L.A. can be tough for transplants. There are the winding freeways to get used to, the hour-plus commutes and the regular appearance of palm trees. For the first year after moving here, many of us find ourselves a bit dazzled by the sunlight, shielding our eyes from it like vampires emerging from coffins. 
But after a while, we start to adjust. The light becomes soft and nurturing. We figure out the best routes around town. The phrase "the industry" becomes something that we toss off casually. And in the first five years of living here, there are at least 15 other things that you will learn, like them or not. 
Here they are:
1. You have three choices when it comes to traffic. Unadulterated rage, complete mental transcendence, or moving to another city. Yes, traffic is the most despicable thing about living in Los Angeles. There is nothing to be done about it. Check out, listen to KCRW, go abjectly L.A. Confidential, or leave. 
2. L.A. residents give exactly zero fucks about what the rest of the country thinks of them. Not in an angry, adolescent way, but in a real, profound lack of caring way. We accept your anger and judgment, and reflect it back in love, light, and then apathy.
3. Culture won't come to you, but that doesn't mean it's not here. Between street art that constantly changes, galleries stuffed in spaces next to Jiffy Lubes, and amateur plays that are actually good, you'll realize that L.A. forces you to dig for cultural experiences - but they're worth it. Suddenly massive museums like The Met look like stoic, overbearing grandparents who are completely out of touch with organic creativity.
4. The Grove is a mystery and always will be. It's an outdoor mall. It's beautiful, but horrible. It's clean, but somehow too clean, and why isn't too clean a good thing? Why do tourists love it so? Spend too much time there and you will enter into a crisis-level existential conundrum even as your body is ping-ponged about by the shopping masses. Enter at your own risk.
5. "Just take Fountain" is an adorable relic of the past. It makes a fair point about the wisdom of avoiding the main thoroughfares in the city - why take Wilshire when you can take 6th? - but honestly, never take Fountain.
6. Announcing what neighborhood you live in is a shorthand way of divulging everything relevant about yourself. Are you a young hipster who desires locally sourced coffee before all else? A struggling actor who is content sweating nearly to death in a cookie-cutter apartment? A yoga mom? Be prepared to stand behind your neighborhood as you would stand behind your very kin.
7. You should never pick a fight with an L.A. cyclist about cycling, because you will lose. Short of just coming right out and saying, "IT'S BECAUSE I'M FUCKING LAZY," there is literally no way to win an argument in which your whole point is that you prefer isolated, smog-generating drives to environmentally sound, community-friendly bike rides. Also, cyclists get mad. 
8. Cherish the city's old people, for they have stories to tell. That greying dude with the porkpie hat who sat next to you in the Frolic Room? He lived with Marlon Brando when Brando was waiting tables in Los Feliz. That couple you saw at the bar at the Dresden? That was fucking Marty and Elayne. It is well worth your time, young one, to stop and ask for a yarn.
9. The customary greeting in L.A. has nothing to do with work, school or the weather. It's either a) what part of town do you live in? or b) where are you from? Any answer should be met with an, "Oh, cool."
10. Never make assumptions about the person you're talking to. That Playboy bunny has a graduate degree in engineering. Your Pilates instructor was a lawyer in a past life. The downtrodden, unemployed looking fellow at the coffee shop in the middle of the day is Lars Ulrich.
11. Hating on the industry is a fool's errand. It's impossible to escape the entertainment business here, and besides, you don't really want to. It's great that so many smart, creative people have settled here. And when you get all smug with out-of-town guests, casually informing them, "People in Los Angeles don't really care when we see a celebrity"? That's not scorn for Hollywood. That's a humblebrag.
12. At the same time, you'll realize that the industry is but a tiny drop of water in the sprawling ocean that is Los Angeles. Whether you came here with a pilot in your hand or a snow shovel at your back, you likely had no idea how much other shit that there is to do in L.A. 
13. Hating on aspiring actors says more about you than it does about actors. You'll spend your first year or two snorting and scoffing when people bring up their screenplays and their auditions. But somewhere around year two-point-five, you will have a shocking and humbling realization, which is that you are the asshole. You will then respectfully cease to belittle people's dreams. 
14. Scientology never gets less scary. It literally never does. It's just always going to be weird. 
15. L.A. is not what you thought it would be. You will stop believing that Hollywood = L.A. You will find things to love about the city and hate about the city that have nothing to do with the beautiful view from Malibu or, alternately, the shallow people on the Sunset Strip. You will try to explain this to your family at home. You will fail. And then you'll realize this: You don't care what they think. 
Follow the writer Twitter @JessicaPauline, and follow @LAWeekly too.

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